True-but-completely-unsurprising confession: I didn’t go to my senior prom. Back in the late 1970’s, a time in my life when I knew everything and nothing at all, I was certain I was WAY too cool for that corny ritual. Proms were for fake-perky cheerleaders and student council geeks, not brooding writer-wannabes like me. Or so I told myself. More likely I was simply too tall and flat-chested for any guy at my school to want to ask me to go with him. But whatever the reason for my absence at the prom, I missed it. And now, nearly 35 years later, with prom season in the air, I’m wondering just what, if anything, I missed out on by not going. Might I have fallen in love? Had my heart broken? Learned how to slow dance without feeling compelled to lead?
I know one thing that definitely wouldn’t have happened to me, if I’d gone to the senior prom. I am sure I wouldn’t have been chosen as prom queen. Which is okay with me. I’d be much more comfortable as a drag queen than a prom queen. At least drag queens get to pretend like they’re singing show tunes, and sometimes people throw money at them. I mean, have you ever heard of a prom queen going home with $100 in one-dollar bills?
Not only was I neither prom attendee nor queen-- I never knew a prom queen either, and I kind of wish I had; maybe some of her fairy dust would have rubbed off on me. Maybe one of my beautiful nieces will be a prom queen one day, and I’ll finally be able to say with candor (and pride) that I know the prom queen. If this happens, I’m sure I’ll be very proud and give her sincere congratulations and hugs. But sooner or later my cynical auntie side would surface, and I’d have to take her aside and tell her not to let it go to her tiara-adorned head. I'd let her know that being the prom queen is great for one night – one fantastic, glamorous, memorable night – but unless she’s planning a career in beauty pageants, she’ll need to make sure to list a few other accomplishments on her college applications.
To all the young ladies who ARE going to the prom this school year --and to their dates or friends that are going with them -- I really hope you have lots of fun. I mean it! Just because I was too cool for the prom doesn’t mean I think everyone should boycott it. Have a good time, be safe, take lots of pictures, and don’t forget to thank your parents for letting you go and footing the bill for your perfect dresses and sky-high-heel shoes. And to those of you who are chosen to be queen for a night – please at least TRY to act surprised when the announcement is made. Oh, and please don’t embarrass yourself by sobbing uncontrollably. Not only will you ruin your eye makeup, but you’ll also be crowned a drama queen. A prom queen should never be a drama queen – unless, of course, she’s the lead in the school play.
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