Chapel Springs Church in Bristow recently launched their month-long celebration of marriage with a Celebration of Marriage forum discussing marital issues ranging from intimacy to adultery.
According to Communications Director Noreen Bryant, the purpose of the church’s series called “Hitched: God’s Design for Marriage” is to strengthen marriages and encourage couples to work through issues in their relationships.
“Week one's message last weekend got such overwhelmingly positive feedback that I realized we needed to share this with the community,” Bryant said.
Bryant thinks the series was so well-received because the pastors did not shy away from the real issues married couples have.
“No fluffy, touchy-feely stuff here: he's really hitting hard about the importance of commitment and offering practical advice about what it takes to make a marriage great,” Bryant said.
While last week's forum discussed serious marital issues, it did not preclude Chapel Springs from making the panel discussion a festive celebration, including decorations, prizes and even three-tiered, mini wedding cakes.
But most importantly, a panel of pastors and their wives led a discussion from the head table on the stage.
Informed by the book, “His Needs, Her Needs,” by Willard F. Harley Jr., the Chapel Springs Pastors explained most marital problems stem from differences in how men and women think, communicate and desire.
First of all, the panel explored how women tend to think and communicate differently than men, being more complicated in their thoughts and more verbose in their communication.
Andrew Williams said they would agree with that analysis.
“It was pretty cool actually,” said Williams, who said he was not ashamed to admit that, unlike his wife, he was not always thinking.
They also explored the differences in what men and women want out of an emotional and physical relationship. Men, generally, want their sexual needs fulfilled, but for women, emotional needs have to be met as well.
When these needs clash, couples can find themselves wondering why their sex lives have come to a stalemate. To overcome these differences, the pastors challenged their congregation to reverse their thinking.
Pastor Dwayne Smith described the way most people have a consumer mentality, often thinking, “as long as you’re giving me what I want for the best deal,” rather than what they could do for others.
Pastor Gary West agreed, explaining, “It’s natural to think in terms of what pleases us.”
However, he recommended that couples begin to think less about themselves and more about each other.
Pastors also warned that not meeting their spouses’ needs often leads to adultery.
“When emotional needs are not met, it makes the other spouse vulnerable to adultery,” said Pastor Doug Chapman, “but vulnerability is not surrendering. We still choose.”
Pastors said that people reaching that point should seek couples counseling.
And despite the notion that keeping a marriage alive involves work, instead, the panel emphasized the need for time set aside for play, fun and romance.
Attendees of the Celebration of Marriage reception said they learned much about their partners and how to increase trust, communication and intimacy in their marriages.
“Marriage is really important to us, so we came to encourage others and support what the church is doing,” Chapel Springs attendee Robin Chesney said.
Some couples said after what they had learned, they were willing to look at things differently.
“I learned that the guy’s needs and the woman’s needs are so polarized and how to gap that polarity,” said Tom Copeland, wedding guest and Chapel Springs congregation member.
Many approved of how the panel handled the difficult adult subject matter.
“I didn’t realize how real our pastoral staff was,” said Robin Copeland.
Chapel Springs Church offers more marriage-centered events as part of their Hitched Series in July to which all are welcome.
Wednesday, July 24, 7:30 p.m.
Men: Meet in the Studio to hear about “Her Needs: Financial Support & Family Commitment”
Women: Meet in the Chapel to hear about “His Needs: Domestic Support & Admiration”
Wednesday, July 31, 7:30 p.m.
Men & women will meet back together in the auditorium for a wrap-up and a chance to renew wedding vows.
Whether or not you’re married, you’ll get lots out of this series. Plan to be there—and invite a friend or neighbor to join you!
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